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It's not a guitar
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Date:2009-08-02 20:37
Subject:Mourning and Annette Funicello
Security:Public
Mood: blank

How long does a mourning period usually last?

There have been brief, lovely moments where I feel like myself, if that makes sense. And then POOF, gone. Especially today. We went to church, and of course we got the whole "I feel SO bad for you." The only thing that helped me after my sob fest was when Debbie came up and said, "It will hurt, but keep your friends around." That hit really close to home because I've been feeling like a hermit hiding out in my room, amusing myself with books and movies and trying as hard as I can not to leave my sanctuary. In my room, I can kind of pretend that I'm okay with Willy's death, and once I leave it and find my mind unoccupied, I just let go with water works. Like at church today. I just bent over in the pew after communion and sobbed. I mean really sobbed uncontrollably. I was shaking and wet and snotty. It was like every emotion I've been stifling while feigning a stiff upper lip just flooded out.

Oh, and a random thought. In order to pull myself out of my funk, I've been listening to stuff by little Disney starlets. Namely Drew Seeley and Taylor Swift on Pandora, because I can pretend like they're legit artists. Does anyone else feel that Taylor Swift sounds like Annette Funicello? Countrified of course. If you don't know who she it, here's a video.

Annette
Lonely Guitar
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9h-XLTVyUg
and Monkey's Uncle
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQG10A-ymtg&feature=related

Taylor Swift
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGWE3hwJ21U

Am I crazy? Or just letting depression make me hear things differently?

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Date:2009-07-21 21:44
Subject:Being a Camp Counselor...part 1
Security:Public
Mood: blank

What can I say about being a camp counselor?

It is the most infuriating, horrible, wonderful experience of my life.

What's the best part?

The laughs I get with the kids and my fellow counselors.

Worst part?

Ugh...yelling my brains out at kids to get their attention and when they don't listen, or worse talk back to seem clever, when the smart thing would just be to listen a little.

What do I do during a day?

Depends on the day.

Well, what did you do today?

Ate a PB&J sandwich.

With the kids?

Like a good artist, I don't discuss my process.

C'mon, not like anyone is going to see this. Besides the family.

Oh, all right. I occasionally do extended care, which is glorified baby sitting. That, I can do. Play with the kids, chill out. Otherwise, I hang out with my coworkers in the morning. Then we head our other positions like check in and games and greeting kids and suchlike. Next we head to classes, so that varies. Then break, more classes, lunch, more classes, one more break, classes and then finally check out. Today I had a mid camp evaluation, which went well. And then I head home. Is all good.

I mentioned games. What is my favorite game?

Sneaky statues! It makes kid happy AND quiet!

On the whole, do I enjoy what I do?






Yes.

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Date:2009-07-20 21:37
Subject:My Newest Addiction
Security:Public

First of all, I have a youthful appearance. Which means, according to the campers where I work, I look 14. Funny, since I'm now a week past 19. It probably doesn't help with what my newest addiction is. Now, for those of you who know me, which is most of you, you know that I'm rarely girly. While I occasionally squeal over stylish shoes or over fetching frocks, I own very little of either. My hair is in a constant state of relaxation. Due to my current occupation, make up is often a no go. However, my nails are now becoming pampered on a regular basis.

I have discovered a love of nail polish.

This is where my youthful appearance comes in. With candy colored nails, it makes me look even younger than I am. I've had campers who look older than me. That's just straight up disturbing. In an extreme case, one camper was called ma'am while I was just kind of overlocked. At least I'm not as bad as a coworker, who has often been yelled at as if he were a camper. It's pretty funny.

Back to nail polish. There are very few things less girly than nail polish. It's practically a necessity to be a junior high to have bright pink nails with little flowers on them. Goth girls (and often their of-so-masculine counterparts) sport dark nails, not unlike their souls. Girls are known to paint their nails, and only effeminate rock stars have caught onto this trend. I, however, don't paint my nails pink for the most part. I prefer green. I love having oddly colored nails. Green, blue, chartreuse, sandstorm! I love them all! It must have to do with my need to show individuality or alter my physical appearance in any way I can, short of dying my hair an unnatural color. Nail polish is fairly temporary, and is easily removed most of the time if the experiment goes horribly, horribly wrong. The only downside with looking for the weirdest colors of nail polish is it can get expensive, and bad for your nails. With every removal of polish, a layer of nail comes with it. But I'm careful, so I should in theory have nails at the end of the summer, even though I'm planning on a new color soon.

Maybe I'll invest in some henna instead?

Alright, onto news and the like. I'll write a blog about my life as a camp counselor maybe tomorrow or some time later this week. I've got my own opinions on the state of child development, and believe you me, I'm going to say 'em.

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Date:2009-06-16 06:49
Subject:Coats
Security:Public

Let's talk briefly about an awesome movie coat. Johnny Depp's coat in Sleepy Hollow is EPIC. We'll come back to that later.

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Date:2009-05-27 09:13
Subject:Star Trek, fmylife.com, etc.
Security:Public
Mood: awake

This journal entry comes to you in 3 parts.

Part 1: Star Trek

That movie ruled. Seriously. I think I had about 6 favorite characters, which included Bones, Chekhov, Sulu, Kirk, Spock and Spock Prime. It was enjoyable to say the least and extraordinary to say the most. As my father said, it kept just enough hokey to please die hard Trekkies and the acting and effects were good enough to indoctrinate new Trekkies, among which I count myself now. I now find Anton Yelchin as quite an amiable fellow. (Pardon my speech, I am currently watching Sense and Sensibility with Emma Thompson and Kate Winslett.) Anywho, I also love the fact that many of the actors branch over from different excessively geeky fandoms, like Karl Urban, who plays both Bones and Eomer. And then there's John Cho, who can be seen as Harold from Harold and Kumar and as Sulu. I think the most exemplary example is Zachary Quinto, who is Spock and Sylar. What I think is funny is the fact that this is his first major film role, and it's an amazing first role. Also, my favorite phrase that has to do with this film was what my father said when you see the first shot of the Enterprise, which was "Geek orgasm coming up." And I had to agree.

Part 2: Fmylife.com

I am addicted to this website. BUT there are some things I don't agree with, like the fml's that say things that are geeky turn into fmls. Like one when a person said Accio to have a book come to them, and that's a bad thing. I think that people should allow their geekitude to shine through, and it is not a negative in the slightest. But sometimes, a little schadenfreude can't go amiss. But as long as people find the traits of a geek to be negative, geeks will still be persecuted and teased, and that can't help the self esteem. I think that the approach that should be taken is the one in Eureka, that lovely show on the Sci Fi channel.

Part 3: Etc.

Now it's time for random thoughts.
I want a dog. It would be so nice to have a dog to cuddle after I get home from work. Plus, I would love to take it on walks and play fetch and such. Here's another random thing, I think Alan Rickman is actually fairly attractive in a creepy way. Now I have stuff I need to get to get done. BYE. Two days until I get my hair cut!

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Date:2009-05-21 12:46
Subject:UPDATE...OUTSIDE
Security:Public
Mood: cheerful

I'm trying to get a tan this summer, so I decided to update my journal in my backyard. Negatives? Can barely read the screen due to the sun contrast thing. Positive? It's wonderful out here! I haven't had the sun on me in so long after being in San Francisco, that this is perfect! It's not too hot, not too cold! Slight breeze, smell of flowers, some bird songs. I can already feel the sun warming my skin. Beautiful.

So let's see, I just finished finals and I may be the proud recipient of a 4.0. For an entire year in college. Wow. That's not a definite, but I make sure to take care of all my grades. I'm also soon to be the recipient of a new haircut. I miss my short hair, it was so much easier to deal with. Now my hair is, when straight, past my shoulders. It's got a bit of a wave to it, so it tends to curl up and look very 90's, which is cute, but can be aggravating. I'll miss my hair, but it'll come back.

So in the newness factor, I have some new shoes, but that's not much to cheer about. I'm also in the process of selling/buying clothes because I royally screwed up the ones I had last year. I have not bought summer clothes in a long time, I just recycle old ones and wear them again. And again. And again, so it's time to do some shopping. Also, I gained a little weight in college and got taller...again, so some of my clothes don't fit quite right anymore. The weight I gained was needed though, and not more than 5 lbs. so I actually look better than in high school.

I'm mostly glad to be home. I do prefer how much stuff there is to do in San Francisco that is connected on a public transit line, but Santa Clara is fine. Luckily, most of my friends can drive and/or have cars, so as soon as they get home from school, or we get something planned, I'll do something fun. I've already seen a few of my friends, like Caitlin and Monica. We ran into each other at DSW, so that was fun. I hung out with best friend Emily, not sister Emily, yesterday and I really needed that. Sometimes, a girl just needs her best friend. Plus, she filled me in on her love life, so I got to live vicariously through her for a moment. We're probably going to hang out more over the summer, but time is definitely a factor.

That's all I can concentrate on to say because now, I'm going to have lunch and then go for a walk/bike ride to the library.

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Date:2009-04-02 08:34
Subject:New Comic!
Security:Public

First of all, my current webcomic, West Portal , is updating regularly. Go check it out. It's worth it. Have you clicked the link yet? Do it now.

Now, I have a new blog comic because I just got Adobe Suite stuff (of which my school only had the super expensive edition, so I had to drop some mad cash and have a slight panic attack) and I've been messing with Illustrator (which is now my best friend) and Photoshop. I love Illustrator for line drawings because I have a shaky hand and it compensates for that very well. But yeah, I started a blog comic called My Hick Name is Kathy Jean. . I've also been learning Flash, which isn't insanely hard, it's just complicated sometimes. I'll get it. I need to.

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Date:2009-03-21 22:39
Subject:Mirror, mirror
Security:Public

I was out in the sun (for the first time in months, by the way) and I looked down at my hands. My hands were white as snow. Then I saw my hair. It was black as ebony. I realized I had a tube of lip stuffs that was red as the rose. And then I thought about my friends, namely the fact that most of them are male and shorter than me. I am Snow White. And paler than my mother for the first time in years. Lord help me.

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Date:2009-03-19 18:02
Subject:Writer's Block: Change for the Better over a Decade
Security:Public

How are you a better person today than you were ten years ago?


I am pretty much the same person now that I was then, just with more knowledge. What not to say, and when honesty isn't the best policy. I still have the same bubbly, and somewhat obnoxious, personality. I still believe most of the same things about the world, making me maintain my optimism all these years. I have a great rapport with kids because I technically still am one, being I'm almost the same person I was when I was 8. I just learned there's consequences to actions. I'm the same person, just smarter.

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Date:2009-03-17 18:11
Subject:Please Don't Pinch Me, but I Ain't Wearing Green
Security:Public
Mood: accomplished

I'm not Irish.
Here's where that becomes funny.

In sunlight, my hair can have red highlights.

My eyes are green hazel.

My name is Kathleen.

I have freckles.

I've been mistaken for Irish on Saint Patrick's Day more than I can count, but I'm not Irish. So I'm not celebrating St. Patrick's Day for a country I have limited connection to.

St. Patrick and I do have a familial connection, however. Homeboy wasn't Irish originally, according to Wikipedia. He was Welsh, like me. He was stolen from Wales and made a slave in Ireland. And he seems to have been, like most Christians of his time who were connected with monasteries, well educated. They have two letters which are definitely his work, both in Latin. In that respect, I think he's a pretty chill guy.

Here's some more fun facts about St. Patrick. He was supposed to have driven the snakes out of Ireland. As far as I recall from geology and geography lessons, Ireland isn't warm. And snakes are cold blooded. Many suspect that he didn't physically drive the snakes out, but drove the metaphorical snakes out. Instead, it was seen that he drove out those who would make Christians sin again, referring to the snake in the Garden of Eden. There were a group of people called Pelagianists who believed that people can chose between good and evil and had full responsibility for every sin. It also could have meant he drove out the Druids and their pesky beards and rocks, who also were once symbolized as snakes. Oh metaphors, how I love thee. Still, his educating of the people using shamrocks to display the holy trinity (all things coming from one stem, pretty cool huh?) to me is interesting, and most saint stories are kind of... well, exaggerated sometimes. More like (and please don't shoot me for this) people take metaphors and make them literal.

Anyway, I like most of what St. Patrick's Day should stand for, with the protection of a country and educating of the masses, but I will not celebrate it in the average college fashion. I'm not going to go chug Guinness, paint my hair/body green and parade around like a complete idiot. I've noticed that, in college, people use holidays that they don't even celebrate as a way to make drunken debauchery seem like an okay thing. Next thing you know, Arbor Day is going to be all beer pong and orgies.

In conclusion, if there is one, I'm not Irish, and I'm not celebrating what is actually sometimes referred to as the Irish equivalent of Thanksgiving. I do wish for good luck, but I don't think wearing green or being pinched is the way to get it. I'm just going to salute a great Welsh man by not buying into a day where people don't really remember him.

And as I'm writing this, I look down and realize I'm wearing green PJ bottoms. Well, there goes that argument.

Oh, and about the song, I have iTunes on shuffle. And I just started grooving and left it on.

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Date:2009-03-14 10:27
Subject:My new Addiction
Security:Public
Mood: accomplished

I just got addicted to webcomics. I mean, I was fairly addicted before, but now, I'm on to waking up every morning and twitching a bit until I get my webcomic fix. I started writing stories for like 4 of my own, which are all in the process. I'll just record those here. Most of them are still in the nailing out the details, but I've inked up to 8 pages for one, one strip for another, wrote part of the script for one and the other is still just an idea. Yes, this part of the entry is just shameless self-promotion. But you don't have to read it if you don't want to.

(Read more)Collapse )

Now for my current favorite webcomics. Yes, another cut. This is one long entry.
(Read more)Collapse )

Yay done!

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Date:2008-09-11 08:33
Subject:MINE LEGGIES?!?!?!!!!!!!!
Security:Public
Mood: bitchy

I thought it would be a good idea to get some exercisin' in. I though "4.4 miles around a paved lake path! NO PROBLEM!" Well, I was dead wrong. I mean it was a good idea, and my roommate helped me work out some of the safety stuff like bring a cellphone, my keys, I.D. card, pepper spray, the whole shebang. Basically, I learned how much I CAN'T RUN. I made it about 4 miles and then I was all HELL NAH and ended up basically walking the rest of the way back to my dorm. In retrospect, that was a fantastic idea. It cooled my body down a little, because I really pushed myself. And strangely enough, I enjoyed kicking my own butt. And I'm going to the gym after my friend leaves. Oh yeah, my friend Caitlin is coming to visit today, and she may be bringing her friend Kelly. I don't rightly know. But back to my exercising. I know, me exercising through a medium that isn't wet. (Besides the sweat. SWEET JESUS I was sweaty. It reminded me of why I swim. When you're soaking wet, no one can see you sweat. And because my face would less red.) What a shocker.

So in the parentheses I mentioned that I get sweaty, gross, red and I lose all my natural charm. BLASPHEMY some might say. Well, gentle reader, it is true. Dripping and dragging my dilapidated personage back to the comfort of my dorm, I came upon a small group of people. In that small group of people was my friend Lorenzo. Now, some of you kind, kind readers have not seen me interact with Lorenzo. Let me think of a good example. Just for reference, I do consider him a very close friend. I'm trying to think of a good example. All I can think of is Cordelia and Xander from Buffy. And in this situation, it's more like we both have Willow and Oz's intelligence, but we just go at it like Cordelia and Xander during Season 2. Before the whole making out in closets thing. God I'm a geek.

Well, he said to me "I almost didn't recognize you." And being the witty, charming, lovely girl that I am I said, "Why? Because I'm sweaty and disgusting? And because my hair's up and you can see my legs?" Good show, Kathy. Fantastic really. He awkwardly laughed and said, "Um uh yeah." I think he did anyway. I didn't stop to listen, because I was too mortified and exhausted. Which made my blotchy red face only go redder. What a good day.

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Date:2008-09-09 07:26
Subject:What a weird dream
Security:Public
Mood: because of lab

So I woke up this morning with the insane need to exercise. Let me explain.

My sister always compares me to a certain girl from a certain movie. Namely Kelsi from High School Musical. I do not lie. It is the truth. It's because she's klutzy and musical and wears awesome hats/clothes in the first movie. I do kind of dress/look like her. When I saw the first one when I was 15 with my friends, it turned into "OH MY GOD THAT'S KATHY!!!!"

Anyway, that must have been lodged in my subconscious last night because I had a dream. A dream that was not me BEING Kelsi, but a dream that was me auditioning at my high school for the chance to play Kelsi in the upcoming production of High School Musical. Now, this was not for college or even a local theatre. This was for your average female drama instructor at my old high school. So they gave me this page of quotations, including a speech from the Chesire Cat, a song with no accompaniment which I was supposed to sight read and other quotes from really God knows where.

Well, the teacher asked me, "Why didn't you come in during lunch like the announcement said?" I mumbled, "My 4th period class has no speaker." She said, "Oh you must be in the D hall. Okay, go ahead." Apparently, people had signed up for the characters they wanted to play during the lunch period, but for some reason they had to still audition. Some sort of formality I guess.

So I auditioned after this really, truly awful freshman for Kelsi. I did my bit, and I was fairly bad as well. She knew all the stuff and she was still bad, and I was a little better and I was sight reading. Of course, because she had signed up for Kesi before me, she had priority. I was given the role of Martha. The hip-hop dance girl. I love what the teacher said to me afterwards.

"I wanted a plus sized girl to play Martha, but you're enough of an outsider that it just might work. Plus, with your look, you can pull off awkward well."

What's great about this dream though, is it was like the Wizard of Oz. Everyone was there. The mean girl from the 5th floor. Ryan from the swim team. Emily Bennett consoled me afterward. Mostly, it was my new friends from the Scholars program that weren't there. Weird. Maybe because they are a pretty big part of my life right now, but they haven't been a big part for very long.

It's either because I was aggravated or just because this lady wanted me to be a bit rounder that I wanted to run around Lake Merced. Actually, I'm getting the free gym membership today. And I did about 200 crunches about 10 minutes ago. Stupid dream people. Also, before this dream, I had a dream that we went down to some sort of underground place where Emily had left her keys there and it was weird and there fungus people. This is what dining hall food does to a person.

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Date:2008-08-21 16:50
Subject:Writer's Block: Your Favorite Series: One Last Go Round
Security:Public

If you could pick any TV show that has been off the air to come back for one more season, which show would you pick and why?


Firefly. No other answer. Firefly.

Reason, you may ask?

Captain tightpants. BOOYAH.

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Date:2008-07-31 10:39
Subject:Space?
Security:Public

YES!

I just received my room assignment from SF State today. I'm in the Towers!!!! So the rooms are 600 square feet, with a bathroom (!), living area (!) and a kitchenette!!!! I was expecting only about half of that. Like a bed maybe, if I was very, very good. And my roommate has a cool name. Glenyce Conte. I'm going to email her and see what she's like. But now I'm going to bring posters and decorations because I have one bigass room! With a couch! I feel so spoiled by this, it's truly insane.

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Date:2008-07-30 14:12
Subject:Twisty Turny
Security:Public

I am having thoughts. Second or otherwise, I don't know. I'm scared. Basically, my family life has had an exothermic reaction. If we were a volcano, we'd be the one underneath Yellowstone. Big. And affecting all the bits around it. And if it should completely ignite, the world would definitely suffer. I just want everything to kind of calm down.

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Date:2008-07-24 08:26
Subject:Introspective
Security:Public

I was thinking about my name last night. I might turn this subject into a David Sedaris style essay, but right now I'm just going to write random things. I suppose a person is defined by their name. I couldn't be anything but a Kathleen or Kathy. Maybe a Katy or a Kate, but that doesn't feel right. Even though names are just words, they seem to be the first thing that captures a person. My friend, Anthony, found out who his roommate is. It's a gentleman by the name of Billy Paris. All Anthony knows about him is a name, and he already has an idea formed about him. I find the name Billy Paris to be one of the best names on this planet, but it's also a huge mystery. It could go one of two ways: he could be super effeminate or just bland. Other names lead me to speculate as well. A person may seem nice before I find out what brand they are, but once that comes up, it's a deal breaker. Names are important, like the vocalization of the personality of a being. So, I'm going to name my kids extravagant names so they can become fascinating people.

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Date:2008-07-23 07:35
Subject:Running through my head
Security:Public

So Sam came and left, and we all had a fantastic time. I'm going to do this quick because I have decided to go running this morning. Well, kind of running. Basically, I'm going to jog to the high school, jog around the track, and walk home after getting some coffee. Or maybe I'll just walk to the high school. That sounds good. Anyway, this is the result of my brother and my grandfather being in the hospital. I don't want to be in the house. At all. But I also really want to be in the house. Like all the time. So I'm going to go jogging around the neighborhood. I just decided no on the track because it's a little too far and I don't know if it's really open to the public. Also, because I'm OK with messing up my joints for a while, for the greater good. Okay, I'm going to get off my ass and go.

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Date:2008-07-16 09:30
Subject:Writer's Block: Becoming a TV Character
Security:Public

If you could be any character from any TV show, who would you be and why?

I would be Kaylee from Firefly cause she rocks. Hardcore. And cause she gets with Simon. Mmmm, Simon.

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Date:2008-07-11 12:36
Subject:Pants should all be made this tight
Security:Public
Mood: blah

So basically, my grandfather is in the hospital with double pneumonia. I'm used to having family in and out of the hospital, and most of the time they end up fine, so I hope it will be all good. And fine. And dandy. So, in order to get my mind off of this, I decided to watch Firefly. WORKED LIKE A CHARM. I just watched Cap'n Tightpant's tight pants the whole time. I mean really, that man is too pretty. So very very pretty. Handsome could be another word. Good looking. His wonderfully asymmetrical face. And then there's Simon. Sweet Jesus. That boy. Mmmm. When I'm upset, I guess I like to look at cute boys. Yay...

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